eliezer levi's anxiety society

The Great Thanksgiving Exit of 08!

2008-11-29T13:40:00.013-05:00

I couldn't wait to leave. Already nursing a cold, already stressed to the max, wanting my own bed, longing for my own space. Yes I was in New Jersey for Thanksgiving. 25 hours to be exact. 25 hours too long!

Yes I'm thankful for my family. Yes they mean the world to me, but they also drive me CRAZY! I won't sit here diving into all the issues that put me over the edge, just know they are there. They exist, and I'll be addressing them with my shrink should I ever return to therapy.

So It's black friday, and I just returned to the home of the Rents, after going out for breakfast, and demanding to be brought back prior to any shopping. I opted to take a long nap, in a finally quiet house. A much needed rest from all things Thanksgiving, and all the idiosyncrasies that make me a little extra loony when I'm around the fam. Just as I felt myself slipping into a deep sleep they were back, and LOUDLY invading my peace! They were chatting at ridiculously high decibels, rustling shopping bags carrying all sorts of crap. The dogs started to bark, and my dreams of afternoon zzz's were suddenly shattered!

I leapt off the couch, and announced I would be heading back to the city as soon as I could get my things together. This took all of three seconds. I'm a lite packer, and all I really had with me was a change of clothes, my assorted homeopathic cold treatments, a tin of sucrets, and a bottle of good old nyquil! I put Elliott's harness and leash on, and darted to the garage where my rental car was parked. Mom followed me out, probably to get a few last minute nags in. I chucked my stuff in the back seat. Opened the front door for El. He hopped in the shotgun seat. I said bye to mom, thanked her for everything. She hit the garage door opener, and I proceeded to back out. Before I could take a sigh of relief that this visit was over... BOOM! A loud, oh so loud, incredibly earth shaking BOOM!

I put the car in park, and froze for a second. Mom, my sister in law, and my brother consecutively ran outside. They asked what happened. I told them I just smashed my side view mirror into mom's SUV! They said are you ok? Is Elliott ok? I answered "yes, we are fine. I just feel like shit, and I want to go home!"

My brother picked up the crippled, and cracked up mirror, wrapped it in newspaper and handed it to me. I grabbed it, took a second to feel as though this was some sort of metaphor for my life, then rolled up my window, put the car in reverse, and finally managed an uninterrupted journey back to NYC.

Boy do I know how to make an EXIT! I'm chalking this one up to a TOFURKEY coma, and lingering effects of nyquil. Happy Holidays!

Ramblings, A Rake, and other Randomness

2008-10-18T12:04:00.016-04:00

I adore the slight chill in the air today.

I despise how lazy I'm feeling at this exact moment.

I'm looking for inspiration.

I'm hiding from reality.

I feel like rambling, don't try to stop me!

Damn I'm Tired. Nope, not just from the exhausting work week, but from my saturday morning! All because I "Manned" a rake for a tiny bit . I don't think I've touched one of those things since I was wee little tyke. I was never much for yard work, and now I live in the city, so what the heck was I doing with a rake?

Well today was 'annual rake day' at the dog run.

A time to re-distribute all of the pebbles in the park. As nature takes it's toll, the pebbles seem to bunch up in corners leaving huge patches of dirty ground in all the popular play areas, and mounds of pebble piles along the fringes. This makes for dogs exiting the run oh so dirty, and if it rains... yeah MUD CENTRAL! When the pebbles are levelled felicitously, all is right in the world! Or as right as they could possibly be in the crazy little world that is the dog run! So all the regulars took turns doing a little raking... even me. I made an attempt at the "i'm jewish, we don't know from raking excuse" Didn't go over too well! Then, the jewish guilt kicked in, and I pitched in. I think my help may have actually done more harm than good, but hey I tried! Don't I deserve an "A" for effort? Maybe a gold star?

Now I flit to other randomness... I can't get enough of Annie Lennox lately.

I've always enjoyed her, but now I think I'm obsessed. She's an artist seed heavily planted on many of my pandora channels, and while feeding my pandora fixation, I've been overdosing on Annie! Seriously, could she be any more talented?! Her voice gives me chills, her lyrics give me pause. Old tunes, new songs, Eurythmics hits... doesn't matter... I dig it all. She's simply amazing.

thanks for stopping by-

me a bully?

2008-10-11T13:16:00.004-04:00

"You may look like the troublemaker of the pack, but it turns out your tough guy mug is worse than its bite. You're really a softie, loyal to your friends and family and A-OK with meeting new pooches, but you prefer to do so with a high-five instead of a paw-shake. Proud of your great sense of humor, you've got a whole litter of jokes you draw from to keep the mood playful and the positive energy alive. A perfect afternoon for you involves a leisurely stroll with a pal, followed by a little downtime in an easy chair with a frosty can of brew and a remote control within easy fetching distance. You shed accusations of being lazy, knowing perfectly well that you're kenneling the energy you might need for... well... something."

description... dead on. too bad Elliott HATES bull dogs. hahaha

what breed are you?

Blog Gone to The Dogs

2008-10-05T10:50:00.020-04:00

Elliott (My irresistible cocker spaniel) and I spent the entire day yesterday babysitting my friend's basenji, Tutank. Today is Elliott's 3rd birthday, so after a day gone to the dogs, and a day of celebrating a dog, this post is dedicated to dogs... unequivocally the GREATEST life form on this planet! Enjoy my photos of Elliott and Tutank.

"I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive." ~Gilda Radner

"One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you're feeling blue is that he doesn't try to find out why." ~Author Unknown

"If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around." ~Will Rogers

"Agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms." - George Eliot (1819-1880) English novelist

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." - Andy Rooney

"My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am." ~Author Unknown

*** above photo taken by the tremendously talented photographer
Jen Rinaldi.

"All of the good things that have come to me have come through my dog." - A dog owner overheard in New York's Central Park

***Elliott as a baby!

Dogs truly are our best friends, I can't imagine my life without Elliott Igby. Happy 3rd Birthday Pup!
lg

BTW... For anyone who adores dogs, and especially those of us who spend countless hours at the dog run... I urge you to check out Michael Crouser's site for his new book "Dog Run". The images are absolutely, eminently BRILLIANT! Capturing our canine companions in a whole new way.

the me i was meant to be

2008-09-29T09:32:00.006-04:00

I am so stupendously, and conclusively sick of my subterfuge!

At this exact moment I have such disdain toward myself for creating a ridiculous disparateness of a life.

I know I am speaking in such vague terms, but that's the best I can do right now. I'm dealing with a personal plague. So hard to expand. So difficult to explain. I do know what I need to do. I actually took an important step, albeit ever so teensy, but still a step. Even the slightest movement towards self improvement is progress right?

The jewish high holy days start tonight. I am certainly not the most religious person, and have recently been conflicted with a legion of issues about religion in general. That being said, I still plan to use this time for personal reflection, and try really hard to focus on the things that can make me a truer version of me. I don't know who I really am, but for the first time in a long time I think I may be closer to being him.

L'shana Tova.
lg

Damn right... if I was a superhero... this would SO be me!

2008-09-27T13:08:00.003-04:00

Too much fun! My staff would die! DIE! DIE! DIE!

Click here to make your own! You know you want to!

Ah September!

2008-09-21T11:34:00.007-04:00

I wish I could put yesterday in jar, and let it loose when ever I need it most. It wasn't like I did anything spectacular, in fact I pretty much did nothing. That's the beauty of it. The weather was flawless, the sun was shinning, and there was the most peaceful, cool breeze in the air. I was sitting on a park bench in the dog run and it hit me... September's here.

Yes this revelation was about 20 days overdue, but I've been so busy, being... well busy! I didn't give much attention to the change of season. I didn't have much of a summer. I barely took any time off. I guess subconsciously, I thought I needed no reason to recognize any sort of change. Stupid way to think, subconsciously or not! September is so meaningful, a month deserving celebration, and embracement. It's the season of fresh starts, and new beginnings. The true launch to the new year.

If you haven't taken a moment to greet September, stop what you're doing RIGHT now! Go outside. Close your eyes. Feel the cool breeze. Take a deep breath, and welcome the clean slate.

the sunday album collection

2008-09-14T14:46:00.004-04:00

came across this fun little photoshop game... hours and hours of creative merriment! ladies and gentlemen... my sunday collection...

Celebrity Succumb

2008-01-26T14:26:00.000-05:00

It's the big celebrity story of the week. The passing of Heath Ledger. We all know he died. We all know he was found naked. We all know which pills he had in his apartment. We all know about the Mary Kate phone call. Yes it seems we are learning every trivial detail about the circumstances of Heath's passing, but why do we care?

Before I go any further I must disclose the fact that I work in the news biz, and have for a decade. Whenever a star makes headlines we have the "Big J" debate. Is covering this story respectable journalism, and why does the Average Joe care? Well I won't answer the respectable journalism part, because I honestly believe that question is extremely subjective, but I really want to tackle why the Average Joe cares.

Soldiers, Firefighters, and starving children are dying everyday. It may not always make the news, but we know it's happening. Are these deaths any more or less important than Heath's? I hate this type of question, and feel it shouldn't matter. Obviously the widow of 'Frank Firefighter", and the community where 'Frank' served will feel more of an impact from his loss than Heath Ledger's, but that's no reason to assume the Average Joe doesn't care about the latest fallen star. If you care, don't feel guilty, you aren't alone, and shouldn't be embarrassed.

We turn to movies, music, sports, and all sorts of entertainment, because it allows us to escape from our everyday lives. While taking breaks from the real world we form bonds with people we don't "really" know. Regardless of our interests, we all take part in these one sided relationships. We have our favorite actors, bands, and authors. We crave information about them, study them, and often seek to emulate them. The more we learn, the more we connect. For me it's all about these connections, and how our celebrity affinities make us feel about our own lives, and our world. If you think about it from this perspective, it becomes very clear why so many people are moved by the passing of stars.

Heath Ledger was popular. His appeal was universal. His work was admirable. I respected him as an actor. He started off as a teen heartthrob, but slowly started picking deeper movies, films where he could make statements, and be part of a bigger picture. Those choices made me notice him. I was touched by several of his performances, most recently his work in "I'm Not There". I loved this movie, and my fondness for the film made me feel more connected to Mr. Ledger. Whether you became a fan from his days in "10 things I hate About You" ,"Brokeback Mountain" , or any of his other films... it really doesn't matter. If you're a fan, you've established a connection. Now Heath's gone, and that connection feels fractured. It's ok to be upset about Heath Ledger's death. I am too, and I'm proud to admit it.

I'M SAFE INSIDE THIS CONTAINER CALLED ME

2008-01-06T14:04:00.001-05:00

"It's like my identity's an orbit that I've strayed far away from, and that really hurts. But more than that it scares me. Just thinking about it makes me flinch."

Chilling... isn't it? Just one little example of the piercing prose of Haruki Murakami's "Kafka On The Shore". An intellectually profound novel of epic proportions. Truly one of the best books I've ever read. Reading this metaphysical masterpiece is like taking a dive deep into your soul. It's an exhilarating odyssey through our conscious thoughts, and the dark desires hidden in our dreams and nightmares.

The book introduces us to two unlikely heroes: Kafka, a fifteen year old runaway plagued by an oedipal prophecy; and Mr. Nakata, an older, mentally impaired gentlemen who can speak with cats. These two lives are amazingly intertwined in a fantastical storyline where the reader learns stunning details of the two protagonists, all the while discovering an incompleteness that lies in us all.

"I forget my name the cat said... I had one, I know I did, but some where along the line I didn't need it anymore. So it slipped my mind." Black Cat/Otsuka

Two way verbal communication with cats seems absurd, but not for Mr. Nakata. The understanding of cats give him a reason to live. A purpose in his world. Purpose, so simple, and so universal. We all crave it. It's human instinct. And by way of this purpose, Murakami gives the readers clues about the story, and clues to understanding ourselves. While conversing with the felines, Nakata unravels mysteries beyond his own basic existence. The cats share so much more than what's on the surface.

"I feel a little bit bad about lying, but there's not much I can do about it. I've got to bend some rules myself if I want to survive." Kafka Tamura

Kafka. Fifteen, and wise beyond his years. This teen is both hiding, and seeking at the very same time. He's running from his past, and chasing his destiny. He's confused, and he's complex, but more than anything he's the sum of his relationships and lack there of. His family, his friendships, and his love are his motivations for everything. Again more simple, universal themes, but the artistry thrives in the abstract ways these general elements are revealed. Getting to know Kafka is like interpreting your favorite song, painting, or photograph. There's always something clandestine, always something forthright, and so much more in between.

Along side Kafka, and Mr. Nakata exists other brilliantly crafted characters. The story has countless unique secondary, and tertiary characters. There's Oshima, the gender bending librarian. Johnnie Walker, a man whom no description could do him justice. And Colonel Sanders, not a real person but a concept! Yes one of the books most memorable characters is nothing more than a concept!

I could talk about, and dissect this book for the rest of my life. I'll spare you any more details, but I do urge you to read it. Suspend your disbelief, and prepare to be thrilled beyond your wildest imagination.

JUNO... The Movie... The soundtrack... The orange tic-tacs!

2007-12-17T14:15:00.000-05:00

I'm a sucker for an indie protagonist . Last year it was Little Miss Sunshine, in '04 it was Zach Braff's character in Garden State, and this year it's Juno.

Not sure if it's her sarcastic charm, nonchalant coolness, or both... but I fell for her almost instantly!

The movie is good, but it's the character that you'll gravitate to. What a wildly emotional ride watching this forthright sixteen year old navigate through a nine month adventure into adulthood. You'll laugh with her, you'll cry with her, you'll feel her pain, then cheer her on.

Ellen Page delivers a stunning performance. No surprise she's nabbed a golden globe nomination for this role. I don't recall ever seeing any of her work, and after IMDB-ing her ,I am fairly confident this film was my first encounter with her luminance. No doubt she will be around for years to come.

Clearly I walked away from this movie with two new obsessions. The character of Juno MacGuff, and the actress Ellen Page, but this film is filled with all sorts of other goodies.

There's a splash of Arrested Development greatness. Jason Bateman and Michael Cera are part of the cast. Two fine actors, just as terrific as we knew them to be while playing Michael, and George Michael Bluth. It's wonderful seeing these two in a movie together. Both characters eloquently define very specific periods of life. Cera nails teenage awkwardness, as
he ALWAYS does! One of my favorite quirks about this particular character is his fondness and fixation with orange tic-tacs. I too love orange tic-tacs! As for Bateman, he perfectly portrays a generation x-er on the verge of a mid life crisis. He's stuck on grunge music, and ninety's flicks. More things I personally relate to.

Then there's the music! A truly spectacular soundtrack was spawned here. A marvelous mix of indie rock, classic hits, and cool covers. Standout tracks.... The Moldy peaches' "anyone else but you" Kimya Dawson's "loose lips", and one of my all time favorite covers Sonic Youth's "superstar". The music is impeccably intertwined with the story, setting the mood and always striking the perfect emotional chord.

As much as I enjoyed this movie, I must point out a few flaws. The biggest one is Jennifer Garner! I loathe her! How she's managed to have steady work in Hollywood is incomprehensible, but how she was cast amongst such a brilliant ensemble is beyond baffling. Her acting sucks, and she didn't do her character justice. She comes across as an empty vessel bringing absolutely nothing to the scenes she's in. Another peeve, really just a minor annoyance is the film's beginning. It starts off slow, and some of the humor feels forced. Thankfully this dissipates after about ten minutes.

Bottom line... go check it out. Juno is a master of the wisecrack, a total cynic cutie. If you love indie anti-hero's as much as I do you won't be disappointed.

You really CAN'T go home again!

2007-12-10T23:14:00.000-05:00

Last night I was haunted by old friends. People I haven't spoken to in ages. Three friends I once considered dear, some of whom haven't crossed my mind in decades! Why were they suddenly in my thoughts?

Well it all happened in my dreams. In fact it was the latest installment of a recurring nightmare. The general common thread... me not being able to find my way home! Not to my apartment in Gramercy Park, but to my childhood home on Eleventh Avenue in Monroe Township, New Jersey. The house I grew up in. The house where I lived for 18 years. A place even my parents no longer reside.

So there I was with this random collection of old pals. They were all exactly the way I knew them at the height of our friendships... looks, attitude, age. etc. However, I was the "adult" me. We were all hanging out, playing in the street, as we often did. The next thing I remember we were piling into a car. For a flash here, and a flash there, it seemed as though I was the driver. This kept changing. One second a person from the random crew took to the wheel. The next second it was one of the new people in my life... some good friends... some a strange assortment of acquaintances. Regardless of the person in the driver's seat, we could never seem to get past a certain block! We'd circle, drive down different roads, but no matter what we just couldn't get to Eleventh Avenue. At points we were so frustrated we decided to ditch the car, run the streets, hop fences, and even swim through pools.

This nightmare was so intense, I actually woke up shaking. WTF does it mean?

Sigmund Freud once called dreams the "royal road to . . . the unconscious". How ironic considering my dream was literally a road to nowhere! I've always been fascinated by dreams, and interpreting dreams, so I decided to do a little a little research, and a little soul searching.

I started with the notion that I could never go home again. Seems simple enough. Almost a year ago my parents sold Grossman Headquarters and set up residence in a modern day geezerville. You know one of those 55 plus communities for "active" adults! I guess I haven't fully dealt with the fact that I can never again go to THE place I've always considered home. This theme is pretty obvious, but could my search for my old home be even more symbolic?

According to The Dream Visions Dictionary... A house, apartment, flat, or any place of residence often represents you or your life, even if the dream residence does not resemble your actual residence. The events in the dream residence may represent events in your life. A house can also represent security, comfort, protection, familiarity, or belonging.

I definitely have issues with COMFORT, FAMILIARITY, and BELONGING! This makes so much sense.

Feeling enlightened about this interpretation thus far I moved on to other key parts of the dream. The concept of not being able to find something... and the act of swimming.

Back to The Dream Visions Dictionary... Dreaming that you have lost an item can mean you feel you've lost in your real life whatever that item represents, or that you're afraid of losing it, or that you feel perhaps you've been overlooking it or taking it for granted lately.

Swimming can represent moving forward in your life or trying to achieve a goal (get somewhere in your life), or freedom from your usual limitations.

ALL of this strikes a chord! The lost home and the swimming truly are symbolic to me. I could go on and on, but I'll save these issues for future blogs.

Last night's dream and today's interpretation are the best therapy I've had in a long time. I learned a lot... and I've rediscovered my passion for dream interpretation. Will I actually do anything with what I've learned about myself? Probably not!

beautiful bird

2007-12-09T03:53:00.000-05:00

I can't stop listening to Andrew Bird's Armchair Apocrypha. The poignant prose, the chilling lyrics, the vibrant violin. I'm totally smitten. Give this album one little listen, and you will be too!

I think I stumbled upon this musical gem in the 'listeners also bought' section of the i-tunes store. For whatever reason I decided to do a little sampling and instantly fell in love. This is Bird's twelfth album. Yes, twelfth album! How I haven't heard of him till now is completely baffling. Now that I'm familiar with his brilliance, I am sure I'll be listening to him for years to come.

The first track is titled "fiery crash". Critics have compared this tune to Wilco's "war on war". I couldn't agree more. The similarities are remarkable. There's the obvious guitar resemblance, but for me the likeness in philosophy is the true parallel. Anyone familiar with the Wilco hit knows the haunting line "you have to learn how to die... if you want to be alive". Equally haunting is Bird's "to save our lives you’ve got to envision... the fiery crash". Both chilling rants of society questioning human existence, and predestinarianism in this post 9-11 world. The beauty of both songs lies in this juxtaposition between the messages of anxiety and the poppy, upbeat cheerful rhythm. This concept is certainly not a breakthrough technique, but often it's achieved in a cheap and meaningless manner. This was not the case with "war on war", and is undoubtedly not the case with "fiery crash".

The songs that follow are an array of consistently sweeping and splendid indie pop goodness. Without skipping a philosophical beat, Bird takes on mortality, office stress, obsessive compulsive behavior, awkward moments, imitation, and so much more.

I love quoting music, and this album is chock full of quotables. Here's a few I MUST share...

"Grab hold of your bootstraps... and pull like hell... ‘till gravity feels sorry for you and lets you go... as if you lack the proper chemicals to know the way it felt the last time you let yourself... fall this low" - Armchairs

"When I was just a little boy... I threw away all of my action toys ...While I became obsessed with Operation... With hearts and minds and certain glands... You gotta learn to keep a steady hand... And thus began my morbid fascination" - Dark Matter

"Oh don't tell me that it just isn't fair... don't speak about the cycles of life'... cause your thoughts are so soft I could cut 'em with a spork or a bride's... knife" - Spare-Ohs

There you have it... I've given you a taste of this treasure. Now go get it, and enjoy it!

welcome

2007-12-08T15:09:00.000-05:00

i've been known to have an opinion or two, so i'm diving into the blogosphere, and setting up roots in my own little corner of cyberspace.

welcome. read. share. beware.